Love Strategies

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The first thing you need to do is promise yourself you will never make a commitment in that first 6-month period because you are literally not thinking straight. Enjoy the ride for what it is without endowing either the object of your affection or the relationship itself with unrealistic qualities. Romantic illusion, by its very definition, implies a false impression, a fantasy, mistaken identity. How to tell when you’ve been stung by the love bug? The usual signs are the inability to think of anything but the beloved, heart palpitations each time you see them or speak on the phone, the desire to talk about them 24 hours a day,
wanting only to do that which pleases them and listening with rapt attention to every word they utter. It isn’t obsessive unless these symptoms don’t go away in the fullness of time, despite day to day practical reality.

Next, consider the laws of attraction which are basically two -
1/ we tend to be attracted to people who appear to possess qualities we think we lack and
2/ we tend to fall in love with people who have qualities of one or both or our parents. This occurs for purposes of healing past
hurts and furthering self-knowledge. The more self-awareness we have, the more we can make healthy choices about which attractions we want to build on and which we want to let pass. Each one of us is perfect and complete in ourselves and in fact, need nothing outside to fulfill us but we’ve been conditioned for decades by love songs, romantic fiction and social ideals to think that we need a mate in order to be happy. We are made up of polarities with all sorts of conflicting qualities; we are not one-dimensional, black and white cardboard cut-outs. *Celebrate your diversity, insist on being contradictory, allow your
contrasts for these are what make you a complex and fabulous individual. Then you will never think that someone you’re in love with is superior to you or far more wonderful. Neither do you need anyone to stand up for you, speak for you or make you feel special. You have all the qualities you admire in others, particularly potential partners.

Until you realise this, you will choose people who reflect your opposite areas such as a confident person if you think you lack confidence or a loud, boisterous partner if you’re quiet and more internal. That way, you prevent your own growth as you need never find the confident part of yourself or any of your other polarities. This creates what is known as a `relationship pattern,’ often repeated and unsatisfactory.

Come to love as you would a wonderful smorgasbord. Let your eyes feast but be selective so that you don’t choose too much or the wrong selections, ones that don’t agree with you or are too rich for your palate. If you do take something you’re not sure of, feel free to experiment - try it, take a bite but also know you’re allowed to say no, thank you, this doesn’t suit me. In this way, you experience life and love fully but it doesn’t control you as an addiction does. For an addiction to be present, it needs to take over your life, you have to hand over your power to it and allow it to make you feel dependent upon it for strength, self-esteem and a sense of value. Whether it’s love or something else, we surely don’t want to lose control over ourselves to that extent. Always hold your own power and trust that everything you want will come to you without your sacrificing your integrity or compromising your identity. Let love develop in its own time for, like a fine wine, true feelings need nurturing and space. Obsessive love is always in a hurry, seeking standard results and cliched responses.